If you suspect your partner is cheating, take the quiz developed by M. Gary Neuman to detect the possibility of infidelity.
Is He Cheating? By M. Gary Newman
No simple quiz can accurately take into account the unique circumstances inherent to every relationship. This quiz was developed based on the average couple’s experience and the results reported in M. Gary Neuman’s study. It is meant to be the beginning of a conversation you may have with yourself and possibly your spouse. This is not a true diagnostic tool as much as a general baseline by which to measure your situation.
M. Gary Newman On Oprah
"Take The Quiz" Then tally the answers at the bottom.
I believe that my husband:
1. Feels he can communicate well with me
Agree
Disagree
Strongly Agree
Strongly Disagree
2. And I share the same values and/or interests
Agree
Disagree
Strongly Agree
Strongly Disagree
3. Feels I am caring and thoughtful toward him
Agree
Disagree
Strongly Agree
Strongly Disagree
4. Would say he feels appreciated by me
Agree
Disagree
Strongly Agree
Strongly Disagree
5. Feels emotionally connected to me
Agree
Disagree
Strongly Agree
Strongly Disagree
6. Thinks I lose my temper too much and would describe me as moody
Agree
Disagree
Strongly Agree
Strongly Disagree
7. Feels other aspects of my life (e.g. children, career, community responsibilities, etc.) take priority over our relationship
Agree
Disagree
Strongly Agree
Strongly Disagree
8. Finds me physically attractive
Agree
Disagree
Strongly Agree
Strongly Disagree
9. Would like to have sex more often
Agree
Disagree
Strongly Agree
Strongly Disagree
10. Finds the sex we have to be fulfilling
Agree
Disagree
Strongly Agree
Strongly Disagree
11. Has been avoiding contact with me more over the last month or longer (with no obvious reason—e.g., he’s been traveling more than usual, been ill; if there is an obvious reason why he’s avoiding contact more of late, answer “Disagree”)
Agree
Disagree
Strongly Agree
Strongly Disagree
12. Has spent more time away from home over the last month or more (with no obvious reason—e.g., he’s been traveling more than usual; if there is an obvious reason why he’s avoiding contact more of late, answer “Disagree”)
Agree
Disagree
Strongly Agree
Strongly Disagree
13. Has becoming increasingly critical the last month or more
Agree
Disagree
Strongly Agree
Strongly Disagree
14. Has had diminished sexual activity with me over the last two months or more Agree
Disagree
Strongly Agree
Strongly Disagree
15. Has purchased gifts for me lately with no explanation for them and this is unlike him
Agree
Disagree
Strongly Agree
Strongly Disagree
16. Has at least one very close friend who has cheated on his wife/girlfriend
Agree
Disagree
17. Has at least one immediate family member who has cheated on his wife/girlfriend
Agree
Disagree
18. Has a father who has cheated on his mother
Agree
Disagree
19. Has at least one coworker who has cheated
Agree
Disagree
20. Perceives his parents’ marriage as generally positive
Agree
Disagree
Strongly Agree
Strongly Disagree
21. Has a generally positive relationship with his parents
Agree
Disagree
Strongly Agree
Strongly Disagree
22. Has significant job-related pressures
Agree
Disagree
Strongly Agree
Strongly Disagree
23. Has significant financial stress
Agree
Disagree
Strongly Agree
Strongly Disagree
24. Has significant stress related to his or my family of origin
Agree
Disagree
Strongly Agree
Strongly Disagree
25. Attends organized religious services regularly
Agree
Disagree
Strongly Agree
Strongly Disagree
Answer Sheet:
1. Agree: 0
Disagree: 0
Strongly Agree: 1
Strongly Disagree: -1
2. Agree: 0
Disagree: 0
Strongly Agree: 1
Strongly Disagree: -1
3. Agree: 2
Disagree: -2
Strongly Agree: 3
Strongly Disagree: -3
4. Agree: 3
Disagree: -3
Strongly Agree: 6
Strongly Disagree: -6
5. Agree: 1
Disagree: -1
Strongly Agree: 2
Strongly Disagree: -2
6. Agree: 0
Disagree: 0
Strongly Agree: -1
Strongly Disagree: 1
7. Agree: 0
Disagree: 0
Strongly Agree: -1
Strongly Disagree: 1
8. Agree: 0
Disagree: 0
Strongly Agree: 1
Strongly Disagree: -1
9. Agree: -2
Disagree: 2
Strongly Agree: 4
Strongly Disagree: 4
10. Agree: 1
Disagree: 1
Strongly Agree: 2
Strongly Disagree: 2
11. Agree: 0
Disagree: 0
Strongly Agree: 1
Strongly Disagree: 1
12. Agree: -3
Disagree: 1
Strongly Agree: -6
Strongly Disagree: 2
13. Agree: 0
Disgree: 0
Strongly Agree: -1
Strongly Disagree: 1
14. Agree: -2
Disagree: 0
Strongly Agree: -3
Strongly Disagree: 1
15.Agree: 0
Disgree: 0
Strongly Agree: 0
Strongly Disagree: 0
16. Agree: -2
Disagree: 1
17. Agree: -1
Disagree: 1
18. Agree: -2
Disagree: 2
19. Agree: 0
Disagree: 0
20. Agree: 1
Disagree: -1
Strongly Agree: 2
Strongly Disagree: -2
21. Agree: 0
Disagree: 0
Strongly Agree: 1
Strongly Disagree: -1
22. Agree: 0
Disagree: 0
Strongly Agree: 0
Strongly Disagree: 0
23. Agree: 0
Disagree: 0
Strongly Agree: 0
Strongly Disagree: 0
24. Agree: 0
Disagree:
Strongly Agree: 0
Strongly Disagree: 0
25. Agree: 0
Disagree: 0
Strongly Agree: 1
Strongly Disagree: 1
+17 to +35: It is very unlikely your husband is cheating or will cheat on you. Keep doing what you’re doing!
-21 to +16: You’re on shaky ground, you should be aware. Begin to cultivate a home culture of kindness, calmness, and appreciation. Slow it down. Make each other the focus. Eliminate the distractions that dilute intimacy. Have time for you so you can reenergize and develop your refreshed martial plan.
-22 to -42: Crisis. He is at severe risk for cheating or already is cheating. Simultaneously work to improve the marriage as best you can while protecting yourself. Consider drastic measures including intensive marital therapy.
One caveat— regardless of your score, pay more attention to your risk factor if you checked “Strongly Agree” to both questions 12 and 14, as these are strong indicators of a marriage in trouble.
